HEALED
THE RED FLAGS
From HEAL-ING to HEAL-ED. Your ‘healing journey’ is over. FREE on Amazon Kindle.
HEALED has become a best-selling self-care phenomenon because it dares to challenge the conventional wisdom of perpetual healing. Instead of encouraging readers to stay on an endless loop of inner work, this book offers something radical: a conclusion. It asserts that healing should not be a lifelong identity, but a doorway to freedom. Through bold insights and compassionate truth-telling, the book helps readers recognize when it's time to stop fixing and start living.
At its core, HEALED is about the reclaiming of personal power. It reframes emotional recovery not as a path of endless processing, but as a moment of awakening—one where the individual sees clearly the tactics that once controlled them. By decoding manipulative behaviors such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, love-bombing, and passive-aggression, the book empowers readers to name these tactics without shame. This act of recognition becomes the beginning of self-respect, and ultimately, self-love.
What makes this book stand out is its emphasis on red flags—not just as warnings, but as invitations to walk away. It teaches that noticing the signs of emotional manipulation isn't paranoia, it's wisdom. Each red flag identified is a call back to the self, a reminder of inner knowing. The more one understands the patterns of control, the easier it becomes to walk in peace and autonomy. Rather than diagnosing or labeling others, the book keeps the focus on clarity, boundaries, and self-protection.
Another key message of HEALED is that healing doesn't mean returning to who you were before the pain—it means becoming who you truly are beyond it. The book invites readers to shed the identity of the wounded one and step into the identity of someone whole. There’s no push toward perfection, just a quiet encouragement to stop waiting for closure and start creating freedom.
Ultimately, HEALED is a celebration of emotional independence. It doesn't dwell in past wounds; it teaches how to close the chapter and walk into a future rooted in self-worth. That’s why it’s become the go-to guide for people ready to stop revisiting their trauma and finally live with clarity, confidence, and joy.
RUMINATION
Rumination is an experience of mental bondage, where the ruminator repeatedly reflects on past events. The repetitive nature of rumination is inherently draining, energetically stalling and stagnates sufferers emotionally. A ruminating person replays mistakes, regrets, or plays out hypothetical fears and anxieties in never-ending cycles. This fixation on past pain often blocks forgiveness, deepening resentment as each reflection re-traumatizes the ruminator.
Spiritual wisdom calls for letting go, as rumination often stems from failed processing attempts around unresolved negative emotions. Rumination is a red flag given its nature as a blocker to internal peace. Someone struggling with rumination is unlikely to be able to fully engage in relationship with others (as their mind is elsewhere).
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Take control of your mind. Release obsessive thoughts about the past. Make peace with what is. It is okay to allow a situation to be over. Find safety in the divine.
CHRONIC PEOPLE-PLEASING
Chronic people-pleasing is a red flag because it often stems from a deep fear of abandonment. By prioritizing others' needs and desires over their own, people-pleasers are still actually indirectly working to meet their own needs – the other persons needs being met is a happy byproduct, that also functions as a means to that end. Basically, they want the functional relationship with the other person so badly (which is their need) that they are willing to neglect their other needs, such as their own physical and mental well-being, boundaries, and true thoughts and feelings to obtain it. They then resent and blame the other person for their decision and the cost they endured in neglecting their other needs while attempting to meet the one they value most (a pleased other person).
Their people-pleasing is simply a part of their striving to have the types of relationships that they want. A people-pleasers deliberate over-giving can result in burnout, anxiety, and a diminished sense of self-worth, as chronic people-pleasing can create a cycle of giving without receiving, and drawn out toxic relationships. By masking their true selves and intentions, people-pleasers hinder genuine connection in their relationships, ultimately causing more harm than good.
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Do not accept anything from a people-pleaser, they will eventually resent you. Politely decline all help from this type of overly helpful person.
the silent treatment
The silent treatment is a deliberate tactic used by manipulative people to influence circumstances in their favor. This tactic is only effective with lonely people or those who have prior trauma around being ignored, abandoned or not having the ability to connect to a caregiver when needed.
People implementing the silent treatment often have a planned punishment duration and desired reaction from you in mind. They are not locked up in their feelings or unable to communicate – they want to punish and upset you and influence whatever circumstance that is occurring between you in their favor. The silent treatment is a hallmark of immaturity, pointing as a clear sign to a person who is emotionally unhealthy and expresses themselves through retaliation.
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Do not reach out more than twice if ignored. Once they attempt to end the silent treatment, you can simply no longer be available; or be responsive but disinterested, and state you assumed the relationship had ended, so it’s over. Then end it. The retaliatory mindset that underlies silent treatments is dangerous to be around, as these types will also fabricate and exaggerate offenses in order to justify taking harmful retaliatory actions against you. They are also likely overly sensitive, emotional and demanding, and are unlikely to possess much control over their childlike emotional state, which can present great risks to you when they become triggered or wounded..
Unmapped leadership vision
The ability to speak and orate well can take many people into leadership positions, despite their not having conducted the appropriate research, or having the prior experience, to fully embody their roles. This ability to speak with intelligence and authority, despite not having much information, can build a certain confidence that creates an interesting gap - whereby the leader will not rely upon or reference a stronger voice or resource to guide and direct their vision.
For example, this can happen a lot in smaller group settings and cults, where the leader (often, but not always, spiritual) does not base their messaging on (spiritual) texts; or in a business setting, a team lead may set formal or informal expectations for the group based solely on their own opinion or desires for the team, without mapping to company-wide performance expectations, policies or broader industry best practices. It exists, simply because it sounds good – or makes the leader look good to higher-ups (or even to the imaginary audience seated in their mind). This is a red flag of dysfunctional group dynamics.
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Research and find something the leader’s vision and principles can map to; then present it to your leadership and angle this presentation as a request for increased work to support the leader’s vision. The offer of increased scope, along with your ability to create something mappable for leadership, can lead to your promotion. If their vision does not map to anything at all – create something logical and helpful for your team, then document it, and follow the same steps.
ANXIETY
Anxiety is the outward expression of inward mistrust in the divine. It is a fear-rooted mental prison of worry about provision. Anxiety is a hyperfocus on imagined negative outcomes, that likely stem from the false belief that holding onto the energy of fear and vigilance can protect against threats.
It is a spiritual red flag as most faiths emphasize surrender over worry, gratitude for blessings and living in the present moment. Anxiety creates a separation from that process, instead focusing the mind on things that have not even occurred. The anxious mind is on striving to control the divine.
Chronic anxiety may signal an internal imbalance or a spiritual wound that remains unhealed. Living in constant anxiety is living outside of spiritual alignment.
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‘Worry is like a rocking chair. It will give you something to do, but it won’t take you anywhere.’ (or something like that).
CONTEMPT
Anyone expressing contempt towards you, does not like you. Contempt is a significant relational red flag because it indicates you are connecting with someone who possesses disdain for you. This is not normal on either end.
Contemptuous individuals consistently maintain a lack of respect or admiration toward their partners. This is not temporary moments of anger; contemptuous people hold a persistently negative view of their partner's character and value. This behavior can manifest as sarcasm, mockery, eye-rolling, and insults; usually conveying a sense of superiority or disgust.
Contempt is the strongest predictor of relationship failure and divorce.
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Avoid and go low or no contact as practical. It is not safe to spend time around people who do not like you. If you feel contempt towards someone, cease all interaction with them immediately. Continuously expressing contempt, no matter the scenario, is abusive.